


Those 3 Not-So-Little Words

by Go_Placidly



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Canon Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker Needs A Hug, Deckerstar - Freeform, Declarations Of Love, Established Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Post Episode s05e08 Spoiler Alert, Post-Season/Series 05, Season 5A
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:14:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26070040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_Placidly/pseuds/Go_Placidly
Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5A, THROUGH "SPOILER ALERT."-----------------She was being ridiculous.She was being ridiculous, and if there was one thing Chloe Jane Decker was not, it was ridiculous.Unless your partner – boyfriend? Gentleman caller? Partner friend with whom you hang out naked? – happened to be an almost-as-old-as-time-itself fallen archangel who was able to handle running Hell for the last few thousand years, but couldn’t get his mouth to form the words "I love you."------------------------Not a "fix-it" to the "Spoiler Alert" ending as much as a "what could happen afterwards."
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Linda Martin & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Comments: 69
Kudos: 557





	Those 3 Not-So-Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a little plot bunny that wormed its way into my head literally in the middle of the night last night. 
> 
> Not really a fix-it, per se, as much as the follow-up where Chloe may *hopefully* understand a bit of what makes Lucifer tick.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! This is totally unbeta'd because I cranked this out VERY quickly, as an offering to the Plot Bunny Gods.

She was being ridiculous.

She was being ridiculous, and if there was one thing Chloe Jane Decker was _not_ , it was ridiculous. 

Unless your partner – boyfriend? Gentleman caller? Partner friend with whom you hang out naked? – happened to be an almost-as-old-as-time-itself fallen archangel who was able to handle running Hell for the last few thousand years, but couldn’t get his mouth to form the words “I love you.”

 _It's fine. I’m being ridiculous._ _I_ know _he loves me. I’ve_ seen _it in the way he looks at me. I_ feel _it every time my heart jumps at the way he manages to turn “Chloe” into a benediction. I was wrapped in that love the moment I took his hand as he led me – with a passion and tenderness I never knew existed – to the…well, the Greatest Night of My Life barely even_ begins _to cover it. Followed by the unrivaled beauty of our Morning After. We_ are _incredible_.

So why did it still hurt? Sure, Michael was a manipulative, turtleneck-wearing prick, but if there wasn’t _any_ truth behind his words, they wouldn’t have cut so deep. Would they?

 _This is stupid. I’m never going to find the answers talking to myself. I_ need _to see Lucifer._

So that was how Chloe found herself at Lux three days after _time STOPPED,_ as Lucifer’s Dad, _literally God_ , brought His omniscient, omnipresent Self down to earth for a quick chat with His boys. Lucifer and Amenadiel were frustratingly tight-lipped about their encounter once _time RESUMED_ , but Chloe had her celestial plate full of worrying whether her literal Devil was as much in love with her as she was with him, to spare much more thought to Ella’s Big Guy.

_Should I worry about that level of compartmentalization? Is my brain just going to “short out” eventually? … Nah, I’m sure it’s fine._

“Lucifer?” As Chloe stepped off the elevator into his penthouse, she somehow knew he wasn’t there. 

As if drawn, Chloe found herself walking to the spot where Lucifer landed after being shot by a terrified Dan. She couldn’t help the full body shudder as she relived that horrible moment. The moment she had been _convinced_ Lucifer had been ripped from her, right after they had finally – finally! – come together. Her boyfriend nearly murdered by her ex-husband on the orders of Lucifer’s archangel, evil twin brother. Her breath got caught in her tightening throat.

_Easy, Decker. Compartmentalize. Worry about that later. Which, at this rate, may be in an institution, but hey. It’s alright. Everything’s fine._

She knew she should feel nothing but gratitude. When Lucifer gasped back to life, her heart nearly burst with relief and joy. She should’ve held onto _that_ feeling. Embrace it as the mira– _good fortune_ that it was. Instead, doubt and fear had gnawed their way into her heart as her detective brain just _had_ to wonder “ _Why now? Why is Lucifer invulnerable again?”_

With Lucifer as emotionally…immature as he was, Chloe already had her work cut out for her. Years of working closely at his side, years of desperately denying her feelings toward him (and pretending to remain oblivious to his feelings toward her) had made her particularly attuned to his thoughts and moods. She knew him better than probably every other human being on the planet, but he had had literal _eons_ to construct the walls around his heart. How could she _possibly_ hope to bring them down in her lifetime? Five lifetimes? 

She sighed. Though the knowledge that she made him vulnerable floored her, with Amenadiel’s revelation that Lucifer had unconsciously _chosen_ to let her in, that vulnerability became a flashing neon sign declaring his love for her. So what did it mean that nearly the _moment_ they came together, the _moment_ he realized that he had let her in, giving up a piece of his mojo, his invulnerability returned? Was _that_ just as big a neon sign that he regretted it? Regretted them? Her?

_Is he going to run again? The next time I walk into this penthouse, will the furniture be replaced by ghosts?_

It wasn’t fair. She knew she couldn’t hold the past against him. _Especially_ as he had forgiven her for the mess with Kinley, a bigger betrayal of their love. But knowing and _feeling_ are two different creatures, and Chloe couldn’t help _feeling_ that he was running away.

With her thoughts a whirling, haphazard mess, Chloe made her way into his bedroom, determined to rest before he returned.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chloe gradually came back to awareness at the sound of Lucifer’s voice. 

“…why I need your help, Doctor. But…well, I’d like to speak to my _friend_ Linda Martin, instead of Doctor Linda Martin. As fascinating as my emotional epiphanies are, I need to make things right with the Detective, and I can’t do that if you insist on forcing me to take the long road to self-realization. Give me a map, Doctor. _Please._ ” 

“I’m here for you, Lucifer, but I can’t tell you how you feel about Chloe. Only you can do that,” came Linda’s soft reply, as Chloe heard the pair get settled on Lucifer’s couch.

 _I shouldn’t be here. This is private and I’m eavesdropping._ Chloe opened her mouth to make her presence in the penthouse known when Lucifer spoke again.

“I _know_ how I feel, Doctor. Well, mostly. About what’s important, anyway,” he sighed, frustration evident. “But I need to know how I can best express this to the Detective. You…didn’t see her face, Doctor. In that closet. When she thought…when…she…she believes that she cares for me – _loves_ me more than I, her. I can’t – I can’t lose this, lose _her_ because she believes our relationship to be a passing fancy of mine. I – I – Linda. Tell me how I can _fix_ this.”

Lucifer’s plea echoed in the air for a few long moments, as Chloe tamped down the flood of emotions at the helplessness, the earnestness she heard from her partner. When Linda’s response came, it was kind, and Chloe could almost hear the sympathetic smile that undoubtedly graced her friend’s face.

“Okay. Okay. You know I’ll do whatever I can, but you also know I may not have all the answers you need. I can’t wave this away with a wand, Lucifer. You have to _talk_ to Chloe. _Really_ talk to her. So, what do _you_ think prompted Chloe’s…” Linda paused, deciding on the best way to word her next question, “…struggle to determine the depth of your affections?”

“The Detective believes that because I’m once again invulnerable in her presence, it means that I’m pulling away from her. That I’m no longer allowing her to breach my walls, so to speak. Which is silly, of course. I’d gladly allow her to _breach_ whatever she desi—“

Chloe couldn’t help her eyeroll and quiet huff of amusement, as Linda gently interrupted.

“Lucifer…”

“That is, of course, if I’m not too busy with my _own_ breaching—”

“Lucifer! Focus. Stop deflecting or I won’t be able to help you,” Linda’s tone was sterner. Chloe realized that Linda must have been waiting for a nod or other sign of acknowledgement from Lucifer, because it was silent for a few seconds before she continued. “Good. Now. The two of you have been _so close_ to this moment so many times. So, so, _so many_ times.” Linda quickly cleared her throat. “Now that you’re here, it’s not unheard of to get cold feet. Especially since, in your case, your feelings toward Chloe have rendered you, the immortal Lucifer freaking Morningstar, not only vulnerable in her presence, but recently without your mojo, as well. So…is she right? _Are_ you invulnerable because you’re pulling away from her? From your feelings for her? Are you running? Why are you once again invulnerable around Chloe?”

Images of ditzy strippers, faithless priests, ham-handed Lieutenants, beautiful brunettes holding apples, and hasty trips back to Hell flashed, unbidden, through Chloe’s mind. Go- Gosh, how many times could they flee from their feelings, from each other, before they’d be too far gone to return? It wasn’t until Lucifer spoke again, voice barely above a whisper, that Chloe realized she had been holding her breath and had unconsciously shifted in the bed to better hear his reply.

“I recently had the epiphany that self-actualizing physical vulnerability around the Detective, though romantic in a manner, I suppose, is not only unnecessary, but actively dangerous, Doctor.”

 _“And I’d do it again and again. Don’t you know that, Detective?”_ Had it become too much? Had thousands of years in Hell finally convinced Lucifer that putting himself in harm’s way for her, for a little nobody like Chloe Decker, was no longer worth the trouble? “ _I’m not worth it?”_ Another conversation, in another lifetime, with another man. A lesser man. But did her gift consist of driving people away from her? Even the good ones? The best ones? Forcing them to realize that, in the end, her love wasn’t worth enough to stick around?

“I don’t understand. Does that mean that you _are_ running?”

“Of course not, Doctor. I’m not running. Not this time. Not ever again, if I can help it. I don’t generally damn myself to Hell on _multiple_ occasions for people I’m simply _fond of._ ”

Linda’s voice echoed the confusion that Chloe felt, if not the heartbreak. “But… _why_ , then? Lucifer, the rest of the world is vulnerable around the people they love. _You’ve_ been vulnerable around Chloe from nearly the very beginning of your partnership. You’ve _known_ that it’s your own feelings that created that vulnerability since the mess of the engagement with Cain. You remained vulnerable around her even after Kinley. So…why now? What’s changed? Lucifer, why are you suddenly determined to hold on to your invulnerability around Chloe?

“Because I was _terrified_!” Chloe gasped at the sudden agony in Lucifer’s voice.“Have you ever been utterly helpless, Doctor?” Lucifer didn’t give Linda a chance to reply before he continued, “Have you ever been absolutely paralyzed, _literally_ paralyzed, as you watched a monster stalk the most meaningful person in your life? Unable to lift a finger, unable to _say a word_ , to save the woman you care about more than anything else in Creation? I could barely _blink_ , Doctor. All I could do was bug my eyes out in terror and hope – _pray_ – that she understood what I was trying to convey. If Chloe wasn’t half as clever as she is, if she had been a second slower at perceiving my message…I – an utterly useless, defenseless Devil – would’ve had to watch as that pile of wretched filth snuffed the light from her beautiful eyes. Do you have _any_ idea what it felt like to be a _second away_ from seeing Chloe ripped from my life forever?”

At Lucifer’s confession, Chloe couldn’t stop her tears, but barely had a moment to gather her thoughts as Lucifer continued.

“It’s not _my_ safety I’m worried about, Doctor. It’s not my _feelings_ that I’m protecting here. It’s her. I’d run through a thousand burning restaurants, face down all the corrupt cops, Goddesses, and greedy bombers, throw myself in front of every axe in the world, and return to Hell for another thousand years if it means that Chloe would be safe. But what I will not do, what I will _never_ do again, is to remain completely helpless in the face of a pathetic, human malcontent intent on taking her away from me.

“I had an epiphany, Doctor,” Lucifer went on, oblivious to the fact that he had a stunned audience of two. “When we were so close to this, right before my first Vegas jaunt, right before Mum ripped my heart out through my throat…I realized that what Chloe and I had made me feel…invincible. That hasn’t changed. If anything…” Lucifer chuckled warmly, lost in his thoughts for a moment, “if anything, that feeling has only multiplied. I feel _invulnerable_ in her presence, Doctor. I think…I _know_ she wants me to let her in. I _want_ to let her in. I’m going to try and _keep_ trying until I can truly be worthy of her. I _never_ want her to regret being the woman who is in love with the Devil.”

Lucifer’s words slammed into Chloe. How could she have allowed Michael to get inside her head like this? Wield her fears like so much bitter poison. A few thousand years in Hell had exacerbated Lucifer’s guarded nature, but she had literally _just_ told Michael that she’d never lose faith in her relationship before…starting to lose faith in her relationship. She was brought back to the conversation with Linda’s next, quiet words.

“Okay. That’s good, Lucifer. Understanding that you can be _emotionally_ vulnerable with Chloe without having to manifest a physical vulnerability is…really good. But, I have to ask: with these epiphanies, all these realizations…what is preventing you from telling Chloe exactly how you feel?”

Chloe felt guilty as her ears perked up, keen to hear the answer to Linda’s question. It shouldn’t have mattered. After the last five minutes, so many of Chloe’s fears had been quieted. _We’re in love. It’s enough that I’m able to say it, make him_ believe _it. I don’t need to hear him say it. This is enough. This_ should be _enough._ And it was. For now. But it wouldn’t always be, would it? Sometimes, you just needed to hear your wonderful, frustrating, infuriating, handsome, charming, sweet partner whisper those three not-so-little words. Chloe didn’t want to press him _now_ , didn’t want to coerce a declaration of love just to assuage her own insecurities, but she needed to hear _why_. If she was going to wait for Lucifer to feel comfortable enough to say it (and she would. For that man, she’d do almost anything), she needed to hear his explanation.

Lucifer sighed.

Chloe waited. 

Linda waited.

The silence went on until it manifested itself as its own participant in the conversation.

The newly-manifested silence waited.

For a second, Chloe was almost overtaken by the ludicrous desire to jump out of bed and run into the living area just to reassure herself that time hadn’t stopped _again_ , that the world was still moving around her.

Lucifer sighed. Again. When he continued, his voice was as soft as she had ever heard it.

“You lot don’t understand how precious your time here on Earth is. Humans, I mean. You get 80, 90 years if you’re lucky and then, poof! To the Silver City you go, if you’ve been a good little mortal. You. Beatrice. Miss Lopez. With luck, Daniel. Off you’ll all pop. To the one place I’ll never again see with my own eyes. I have…never been as close to a group of humans as I find myself with you lot. I…dread the day that I’ll have to say goodbye to all of you. Even Daniel. Presuming his attempts at Devilcide cease. It’s quite difficult to maintain a friendship when one is trying to kill the other, you know,” Lucifer chuckled. 

“The words ‘I love you’ are a promise, Doctor. One that I don’t take lightly. I suppose that’s obvious, given that I never allowed myself to feel the sweet ache of love until Chloe came into my life. Understand: I _want_ to shout it from the rooftops. If I could, I’d rearrange the cosmos again to write those words with my stars. They are a promise that I intend to fulfill for as long as Chloe will have me, as long as she deems me worthy of her presence. I will do everything in my power to prevent her from ever – _ever –_ doubting my feelings for her, again. But more than a promise, those words are…they…I feel they shall ensnare me. That they’ll start a countdown. The first time I say it…the die shall be cast.

“A day is coming, Doctor. Even with my newly regained invulnerability around her, even if we can protect each other from all the evils we see on the job, Chloe has, what? 60 more years, if we’re lucky? Even without a murderer’s threat, the day is coming when Chloe will go where I can’t follow. When I’ll never see those blue eyes light up in poorly-concealed amusement at my devilishly clever puns. When I’ll never again hear the dulcet snores of a truck-driving, Albanian field wench. When I’ll never hear that _incredible_ , unguarded giggle in the morning. When all of my ‘I love you’s’ will never again reach the only ears that have ever mattered. When Chl—” Lucifer’s voice cut off as he suddenly sniffed and harshly cleared his throat, “when the Detective makes her final trip to the Silver City…I think…I know it will _shatter_ me, Linda.”

Too stunned, too emotional to handle any further revelations after Lucifer’s words, Chloe closed her eyes and attempted to find a measure of peace in sleep.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

“You can come out now, Darling.”

Lucifer’s words once again broke through Chloe’s exhausted haze. She hadn’t slept, not really, but she had been able to tune out the rest of the conversation between Lucifer and Linda. She hadn’t even realized that Linda had left until Lucifer spoke. Which, wait –

“You knew I was here?” Chloe managed to choke out, as Lucifer slowly walked up the stairs to his bedroom, before settling down on the edge of his bed.

“Of course. I always know, Chloe.”

“Are you…upset that I eavesdropped?” Chloe wanted, more than anything, to put her arms around the man she loved and never let go, but didn’t know if that affection would be welcome now, given that he had just caught her snooping on his private – his _most private_ – conversation. 

Lucifer made the choice for her, bending to gently kiss her and frame her face with his hands. “If I didn’t want you to hear, I wouldn’t have said it. I’m…I’m sorry,” at Chloe’s confused look, Lucifer continued before she could question him, “for not telling you these things before. For letting you think, for even a _moment,_ that I don’t feel for _you_ what you feel for _me._ I…I think it was easier for me to tell you indirectly, through Doctor Linda. But I _am_ trying, and I never want you to doubt it again.”

“No, listen. I was being stupid. And insecure. And stupid. I have faith in you, faith in _us_ , and I know what I feel, what _you_ make me feel, but I just keep…I keep letting other people’s lies define us. Kinley, Pierce, Michael…And I’m just…I’m so sorry, Lucifer.” Chloe wrapped her arms around Lucifer’s neck, knowing that she was rambling and finding herself unable to care, as long as she was close to him.

“Yes, well, I suppose it would probably help if my walls didn’t have walls. And a moat. And a fortress. But I want you to know, Chloe, that I _do_. I – I-“

This man. This beautiful man. Emotional fortress or not, the fact that he wanted to tell her, even after the rawness of his conversation with Linda, meant more to her than almost everything. And that was enough. He would tell her, in time, when he was ready. She’d hear the words she already felt in her heart. In the meantime, she’d just have to tell him enough for the both of them.

“Lucifer. It’s alright. You don’t have to say anything, yet. I love you. I. Love. You. And I _know_ you feel the same and, right now, that’s enough.”

“Are you quite sure?”

“Completely. I love you.” Chloe brought their foreheads together for a moment, as Lucifer smiled.

“Well, in that case, Darling, since we both seem to have some free time, what would you say to a spot of _breaching_?”

Chloe laughed, feeling lighter than she had in days, since seeing Lucifer shot on the floor of this penthouse. She placed a quick kiss on his nose, before an equally quick kiss on his mouth.

“I’d say that sounds incredible.”

**Author's Note:**

> That's all, folks! My first fanfic ever, in service of this crazy, wonderful little show and our glorious Deckerstar. May the kisses and fluff keep multiplying in 5B.
> 
> Hope anyone who actually read this enjoyed this bit of fluff.


End file.
